Blog
Good morning everyone,
Thank you for checking out the website and the content. More importantly, I thank you for sharing space with me. I want to take this opportunity to write a short blog about my experience in connecting with marginalized Indigenous women and girls affected by intimate partner violence and the important lessons I learned from this. Please have a read and send me your thoughts via email!
When I was working in the Downtown Eastside and northeast sector of Vancouver, I attended many calls involving Indigenous women, girls and gender diverse peoples where they were experiencing high risk violent situations. I went on to become a detective with the Intimate Partner Violence and Risk Assessment Unit and became even more aware of the high volume of intimate partner violence files coming in with Indigenous survivors. It was time for a change. The TRC and MMIWG2S+ National Inquiries had been calling for change for years. I needed to connect with these women, girls and gender diverse peoples to address the levels of violence they were experiencing and what I could do to support them not only as a police officer but as an Indigenous woman. With the support and guidance of my upper management, I developed, launched and led the Indigenous Partnership Program as a pilot project.
The Indigenous Partnership Program was an incredible opportunity for me to demonstrate a progressive, successful approach for police officers to engage with Indigenous survivors of power-based crimes as well as connecting with community and the amazing Indigenous-led organizations working endlessly to help and empower marginalized people. I made mistakes, which one does when they are the sole creator and gatekeeper of a pilot program. I accepted the errors and truth be told, I felt at times that I put so many blocks on the tower, and worried I was failing these survivors. Regardless, I have passion for the work, and the program challenged me to think innovatively and outside the box. I felt and continue to feel so fortunate that I connected with forty-seven Indigenous survivors over the course of nine months.
One of the best outcomes of the program was seeing some of the women I worked with who were mothers, and in our connecting, I found these moms were gaining their independence and growing their confidence. These moms had supportive networks in place when they left their ex-partners and relationships. Having a foundation, somewhere safe to go back to is key. It sets the tone for success.
When I checked in with these moms, they were overjoyed to have their own space. It gave them security and stability to know this space was for them and their children, to be able to separate themselves and set boundaries, even if they continued to have some kind of contact with their ex-partner. I can’t fault the survivors who continue to have contact with their ex-partners. I definitely don’t encourage it, albeit I have to be empathetic to the fact that there is history and complex history at that between them. The survivor is brave when she leaves and brave even when she stays. All I can do is relay my concerns in a professional capacity, assert there are high risks and safety concerns should the survivor choose to stay, and provide reassurance that I was there for the duration of the court and prosecution process.
Keep in mind that figuring out what is safe to each of us is an ongoing journey. We have to remind ourselves that we are human and prone to waves of different emotions especially when experiencing and processing trauma. Feelings of missing and reminiscing what was good about the relationship come up. This is where it is important to normalize the naturality of these feelings. If we don’t normalize the cycles of emotion and impacts of conflict, we inadvertently position ourselves on a pedestal of moral high ground. This causes the divide and the rift because we haven’t been authentic with our empathy and normalizing these feelings. When we humanize ourselves, we inch closer to bridging gaps and not be as divided. This requires us to continuously build and practice our skills of having empathy and patience. Working with severely marginalized groups, we need to be even more empathetic and patient.
It was incredible to see a few of these women control the narrative of their lives and recognize they could walk away to the best of their ability. They still care to a degree about their ex-partners and what the ex-partner is doing or not doing to change or better themselves however the lens has shifted. These women were able to focus on themselves, asserting their confidence, prioritizing their well-being. External factors such as financial stability and employment boost morale but it is the consistent communication, staying busy, getting involved and positive encouragement to ultimately feel invigorated and empowered.
Mahsi Choo,
Maire